Relationships with others
Humans are social by nature, they grow and evolve alongside and amongst other humans, therefore it's only natural to then understand why we enjoy and cherish friendship; sharing our life, passions, ambitions and fascinations with others. However, it's not always as easy as it sounds.
There are people who find it genuinely difficult to socialise and relate to others, something that can be attributed to various triggers: excessive shyness, fear of unacceptance, lack of social skills, etc.
However, this is more of an issue if it rooted in low self-esteem: Individuals who have difficulty making friends because they believe that they don't have anything to offer or that no-one will find anything attractive or of any value to justify a worthwhile relationship. This case concerns people with serious self-esteem issues and a considerable inferiority complex.
Another counteractive relationship dynamic would be that of the individual that treats their relationships with a petty approach, tending to humiliate, ridicule and mock others.
Those that don't respect opinions contrary to their own, that have lofty or imposing reactions to disagreements, and that rarely show admiration or approval for others' mental outlooks. Those that are incapable of valuing, or even recognising, the merits of others, if not the opposite: having feelings of jealousy towards the achievements of those around. Likewise, these individuals may have problems expressing affection.
Some fortunate individuals possess social skills naturally, innately almost, and apply them without any hardship whatsoever. Nevertheless, this shouldn't be discouraging in the least, as even the most commonplace of humans can learn to excel in engaging communication. We are all capable of changing for the better, without this process of adjustment having to detract or discredit our personality, which will no doubt see itself shine through the very changes in how we behave with others. Starting from the fact that our mental health and internal balance are inherently related to the way interpersonal relationships are experienced. Coexistence, how we feel around others, can be either comforting or a nightmare.
This depends mostly on ourselves. Living with others is an art that can be learned. Putting our innate urge to make a good impression aside, social integration is a fundamental aspect of emotional wellbeing. Social skills are comprised of a series of behaviours and gestures that express the feelings, outlooks, desires and rights of the individual, that when managed adequately, help those around us find solutions to their problems.
If we nurture and learn to control these skills, we can find gratification in our family environments, friendships and loving relationships. They may even help us find employment, from finding it easier to approach our workplace superiors and colleagues to assertively bringing forward ideas and intentions.
Social skills can be outlined and described as:
Non-verbal language: Let us start with facial expression. The face expresses the six fundamental emotions: fear, anger, contempt, happiness, sadness and surprise. There are three areas in the face that stage these emotions: the brow, the eyes and the lower section of the face.
The look
The smile
The posture
The gestures
The voice, which affects the words we speak more than we think.
Words will convey different meanings and express different feelings such as sarcasm, hate, enthusiasm, surprise or apathy. A dull tone may be a sign of dejection or depression. A conversation that maintains a fixed tone will seem monotonous and uninteresting. Ideas are communicated more effectively if intensity and tone are modulated throughout the spoken message. Tone, which we are quick to neglect, can be just as important, maybe more so, than the actual content of a conversation.
Assertiveness: The art of coexisting with others in neither falling short of or overstepping boundaries. Finding a balance between these extremes is what is known as assertiveness: being ourselves, being persuasive and displaying authenticity without making others feel uncomfortable. A persuasive individual, an efficient communicator, that seems credible and reasonable to the people engaged in conversation is considered assertive. Let us see what is understood as falling short and overstepping boundaries.
Assertiveness is the most socially adept behaviour as it involves openly expressing feelings, desires and concerns without attacking anyone. It shows respect for oneself and others alike. Being assertive doesn't necessarily equate to the absence of conflict, but knowing how to manage problems when they arise.
Fundamental skills:
Listening
Working on the ability to understand what is being communicated
Starting and maintaining conversations
Formulating questions
Being thankful and communicating appreciation
Dressing appropriately
Knowing how to greet and acquaint people
Knowing how to give compliments with affection and without flattery
Advanced skills:
Asking for help
Giving and following instructions
Emotionally related skills:
Knowing one's emotions and communicating them
Understanding, appreciating and respecting others' emotions
Knowing how to react to and handle others' anger
Dealing with situations of fear
Alternatives to aggressiveness:
Asking for permission
Sharing belongings, moments and feelings
Helping others
Learning to negotiate and reach agreements
Practising self-control in difficult situations
Responding to jokes, when appropriate
Avoiding fights with reasoning